


Love One Another

by peaceloveandjocularity



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Last words, Memories, Suicide, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27704912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peaceloveandjocularity/pseuds/peaceloveandjocularity
Summary: Members of the 4077th reflect on their last interactions with Hawkeye before his death.content warning for suicide mention! it's the basis of the fic but beyond the first part there's only vague mentions. please proceed with caution.
Relationships: Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce & Everyone
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	Love One Another

**Author's Note:**

> Title is George Harrison's last words to his family before he died. It seemed thematically appropriate.

The snow was absolutely gorgeous. The fields were covered in soft white blankets, the tree boughs bent with the weight of the snow. A few birds were singing as the sun slowly rose over the trees. The sun was as high as it was likely to get today. A bluejay skirted in front of Daniel as he looked up at the church.

This was the kind of day Hawkeye loved.

Daniel pushed the doors open and stood in the front hall. He knew Hawk was already in there but he wanted to wait for BJ. It just seemed right. So he sat in a chair and waited. It didn’t take long for BJ, Peg, and Erin to show up.

“Hi Daniel,” Peg said, pulling him into a hug. “Ready to go in?”

Daniel stood up with a groan. His knees popped as he was pulled to his feet by BJ. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” BJ adjusted Erin on his hip and opened the door to the church. The lights were on and the pews were empty as they all walked to the front of the church.

“Hey Hawk,” Daniel said, grabbing his hand.

It was ice cold.

“You’d really love how it looks today. The sun is sparkling off the snow and no one’s tracked through it yet. It’s perfect for making snowmen.”

Hawkeye’s eyes were closed. He looked like he was asleep, at peace. They’d dressed him in one of his favorite flannels— a soft, worn old thing, red plaid. The red that would usually bring color to his cheeks only made him look pale now, but he was still handsome.

Daniel held Hawkeye’s hand and stared. His knees were starting to shake. “I know you’re not really here, Benny. I know this is just a shell and you’re up there with mother. Tell her I said hello.” He was whispering. He couldn’t make his voice louder if he’d tried. “I love you.”

Daniel squeezed Peg’s hand and walked past her to sink into the pew. He’d been to so many funeral services in this church. For three years, he dreaded the thought that his son would be one of them. He hadn’t thought to worry now, over a year stateside.

Hawkeye had called him, frantic.

_“Dad, I really messed up. I’m in trouble.”_ Daniel had driven home at breakneck speed.

_“Hawk?! Hawkeye!” Daniel tore through each room of the house. “Buddy where are you? Ben, please answer me!” Daniel found him bent over the toilet. The toilet was filled with vomit. There was some still around Hawk’s mouth as he looked up at Daniel sleepily._

_“I’m sorry dad,” he whispered, gagging._

_Daniel started rooting through the medicine cabinet._

_“I already took the ipecac. I can’t throw up anymore.” Hawkeye sobbed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t— I messed up.”_

_Daniel slid to the floor beside Hawkeye, pulling him into his arms. He leaned over and grabbed a washcloth from the counter, damp from its use that morning, and wiped at the corner of Hawk’s mouth._

_“I regretted it as soon as—”_

_“I know Benny,” Daniel soothed, rocking Hawkeye in his arms. “I know.”_

_Hawkeye curled into Daniel’s chest. “I love you. You’re the best dad anyone could ask for. I’m sorry I wasn’t the son you deserved.”_

_“You were more than I could ever have hoped for Hawkeye. I love you so much.” Hawkeye’s eyes closed and Daniel sobbed into his hair._

_“Daddy I’m scared,” he whispered, his voice breaking._

_Daniel pet Hawk’s hair away from his face. “You don’t have to be scared, Hawkeye. No fear, no regrets, no pain. You tell mother I said hello.”_

Daniel sank into his place on the pew as BJ and Peg approached the casket. Erin squirmed from BJ’s arms and ran over to Daniel, climbing in his lap. “Hi sweetheart,” he whispered against her hair.

“Hawkeye’s dead,” she said.

A sob racked Daniel’s chest. “Yeah.”

“Is he coming back?”

Daniel shook his head. “No baby, he’s not.” He started to rock Erin against his chest and brushed her hair from her eyes. “I love you so much.”

  
_Daddy I’m scared._   


BJ felt like his knees were going to give out from under him. He’d just been here last month. He’d just seen Hawkeye. They were laughing and joking, playing pranks on Daniel and Peg, teaching Erin how to prank. Hawk had taught her his god awful cackle. She was smelling her food because of that idiot and now they were standing over his casket.

Peg had done her crying for the last couple of days. She felt mostly numb now as she stood next to BJ. Her hand was on his back. Tears were in her eyes as she stared at the body in the casket. She couldn’t believe it. It had been three weeks since they’d been here. They were all just together for Thanksgiving.

BJ just stared at Hawk’s face until Peg led him to the pew beside Daniel. Daniel set his hand on BJ’s leg, patting his thigh.

“How’re you doing, BJ?”

BJ wiped at his face. “As well as can be expected,” he gasped. “How about you?”

“I keep expecting him to walk in. The house is too quiet again.” Daniel took a deep shuddering breath. “Too empty. At least when he was in Boston I could call him. In Korea, I could write him.”

BJ nodded. He understood. He’d slept alongside Hawk for two years. Letters and phone calls had been their lifeline away from each other for the last year. Now there was nothing. He’d never hear Hawk’s words again, never read new words. They’d used up all their time together and it wasn’t enough, it was never enough.

They’d just— he was alive at Thanksgiving and now it was nearly Christmas and nothing. There was nothing. Only the memories.

The preacher came in to talk to Daniel and members from the community started filing in— friends and family. Most of their family from the 4077th was there. But Hawk wasn’t.

_“I’ll be there! Me and Dad, California. We’ll be there Beej, just count on it.”_

_They laughed and hugged and it took them nearly another three hours to say goodbye. “You think you’ll be able to handle Christmas without the snow, Hawk? Even in Korea we’d get snow sometimes.”_

_“I’ll pack some in with me— a whole big suitcase of it. What do you think, Erin? Do you think the snow would make it all the way from Maine to California?”_

_Erin watched Hawkeye for a moment and began to inspect the family’s bags. “Maybe,” she said. She rooted through BJ’s clothes and tossed things aside and Hawk laughed._

_“What are you doing?”_

_Erin hummed thoughtfully and stood up, her hands on her hips. “I think maybe you could get some snow to California if you put ice in your suitcase. To keep it cold.”_

_Hawk laughed and swept Erin into his arms giving her a great big hug. He brushed back her bangs and kissed her forehead. “Sounds like a plan, sweetheart.” He set her on the floor and pulled Peg into a hug. “It’s been nice seeing you,” he said. He kissed her cheek and helped BJ sweep his clothes into his suitcase. “Alright guys. Your plane is going to be leaving soon. I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

Colonel Potter walked up to BJ and set his hand on BJ’s shoulder. “How’re you holding together, son?”

BJ shook his head, the tears welling in his eyes. “He was coming to see us next week… we were going to spend Christmas together.” Erin tugged at BJ’s hand and he picked her up, resting her high on his hip. “Erin doesn’t really understand. Hell, I don’t understand either. He was happy, he was making plans for the future. We were—” BJ sobbed. “We were going to be a family, the four of us. Five, if you count Daniel. He was thinking about living in California with us and he’s—”

Sherman clapped a hand on BJ’s shoulder and squeezed. “I know, son.”

“I thought we were safe after we got home, after Korea. I didn’t think we’d be here.”

Colonel Potter sighed. “None of us did.”

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

Sherman looked around the church. Daniel was talking to the preacher still. He hated funerals. He supposed no one enjoyed them, of course, but he’d been to way too many in his life. He’d seen the effects of war on a man’s mind, he knew what happened. He just thought Hawk was doing a lot better— everyone did.

Hawkeye was laying in the casket. He looked younger than Potter had ever seen him; relaxed finally. He set his hand on Hawkeye’s chest where his heart should be beating and it just wasn’t. A room with a bunch of doctors and nurses— they all knew what that meant, but how could they even fathom understanding why?

Colonel Potter knew the whole thing had been an accident. He’d been told what happened and what was said and all the regrets and Sherman knew what it felt like. It was the inability to turn back time that plagued him the most. Hawkeye had died scared. There should’ve been no need for him to be scared at home by anything ‘cept the spooks in the night.

It was the spooks in his brain that’d got him.

Sherman had meant to call Hawkeye, he’d meant to write. He’d just… never found the time. With his retirement, he’d been able to ride his horses again and fix up the house. He had been planning a trip with Mildred and he was playing with his grandkids nearly every day.

Right now, his chest ached and his brain was fuzzy. It was like he’d lost his own son. His own disorderly, menace, nuisance of a boy. His heart ached for Daniel. He’d lost a wife, a daughter quite young, his siblings were gone, and his parents… and now his only surviving relative, his child.

A father wasn’t supposed to outlive his children. That was just a fact.

Colonel Potter pat Hawkeye’s chest gently before he pulled it back. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a photograph— a copy of the ‘Fort Dix’ photograph for their reunion party. He slipped it against the fabric that lined the casket and arranged it so it laid where anyone could look at it. He took out another small bottle from his pocket and slipped it in Hawk’s pocket.

“I know you weren’t drinking much once you got home, but I’m sure you’d appreciate a sip of the good stuff instead of that gasoline of yours.”

Potter looked at the photograph. God damn that war. That war took too many boys, he watched too many friends waste away.

_“Well boys,” Colonel Potter said adjusting his stirrups, “it would be hard to call what we’ve been through fun, but I’m sure glad we went through it together. You both always managed to give me a good laugh right when I needed it most. Never forget that time you dropped Winchester’s drawers in the OR. ‘Course, I had to pretend I was mad at you, but inside I was laughing to beat all hell.”_

Sherman had laughed, then, until he dissolved into tears. Now his body racked with sobs just remembering that day, that goodbye that was their _final_ goodbye.

_“Yeah,” Hawk said, sniffling back the tears, “I’m laughing just thinking about it.”_

_“I love a good laugh like this,” BJ said, wiping at his eyes._

_“I better get out of here.” Colonel Potter put his foot into the stirrups and swung his leg over the saddle. He adjusted the reins in his hands and looked down at the boys with a sad smile._

_Hawkeye stepped forward a bit. “Colonel, before you go—”_

_“We’ve been thinking about it and there’s a little something we’d like to give you,” BJ finished. Those boys were two peas in a pod for sure._

_“It’s not much but it comes from the heart.”_

_BJ and Hawkeye stood straight and saluted Potter. And it was a damn good proper salute._

And all he’d done was salute back. He should have told Hawkeye that he’d loved him, that he was like a son to him. Had Hawkeye known? Did he truly know how much he meant to Sherman? To everybody?

Sherman stepped back from the casket and stepped back into the crowd of people who really truly cared for Hawkeye.

It was too late for him to know that now though.

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

_It’s not much but it comes from the heart._

Margaret’s cab pulled up in front of the church. She handed him her fare and whispered a quiet ‘thank you.’ The air was calm, the snow pure white against the rolling fields. It was the kind of day Hawk would love. Margaret stepped past a man holding the door open for people, giving him a nod in thanks as she walked past. The church already had quite the crowd of people here. Margaret wasn’t that surprised. Hawkeye had a way of entrancing people. He was magnetic; people were just pulled to him, to his larger than life personality.

She weaved through the people, making her way to Daniel, BJ, and Colonel Potter at the front of the church. The Christmas decorations in the church seemed cheerful and perverse. She glared at them, nostrils flaring. God, poinsettias were stupid, ugly flowers. Why wouldn’t they just wilt already?

Margaret was angry. The denial had moved on very quickly; she was a nurse, she knew the unfortunate facts. Now she was angry, livid. She was _pissed_. How could Hawkeye do something so stupid? He knew the risks. His stupid medical knowledge was what made him successful. If he wasn’t a doctor, he wouldn’t have known how to do this so perfectly, so flawlessly the first time.

Margaret glared at him, tears welling up in her eyes. “We loved you, you idiot,” she whispered angrily. “Why would you go and do something like that?”

They’d kept in contact after the war. Letters and phone calls, lecherous jokes that Margaret chastised him for at the time she was craving now. Just one more joke, one more goofy grin with his shoulders stooped. This wasn’t her Hawk.

Margaret leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Hawkeye’s forehead. She wiped a tear from her face before it could fall on him. Her fingers came up to lay the collar of his shirt flat where it had curled up. Daniel had put him in one of his flannels and his hair laid flat on his head. She was glad they hadn’t combed his hair back. He still looked like himself, even if he wasn’t.

Margaret stepped back and walked over to the small group gathering around Daniel— BJ’s family, the Potters. BJ wrapped his arm around her and she leaned into his side and sobbed. Her hand fisted in his shirt and he leaned her away from the group a little ways. He knew she didn’t like people seeing her break down.

“I should have called and written more,” she sobbed. “We could have talked more. Maybe I could have— I could have tried and helped him.”

“I wrote him nearly as much as I wrote Peg in Korea, Margaret. Sometimes these things just can’t be helped.”

“I’m mad at him,” she said. “I’m so mad at him.”

BJ pulled her into his arms and rest his chin on her head. “Would it make you feel better to know he regretted it? That he died in Daniel’s arms apologizing and trying to take it back? Let’s remember the good times, Margaret; the letters and pranks, phone calls, his interminable singing and that stupid god-awful cackle that he managed to pass onto Erin.”

Margaret wiped at her eyes again. “I wore a dress for him. Isn’t that stupid? He told me in his last letter he’d love to see me in a dress at least once more.”

_Margaret, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t flirt with you at least a little bit, right?_

_I’ll try not to act too sweet on you. You are, of course, a strong woman who has no need for a man like me but I’m glad you’ve decided to continue being my friend._

_I’m proud of you. I know it’s been rough on you, trying to find your place away from the army but I’m sure you’re doing a bang up job with your new nursing staff. Make sure you let them know you appreciate them though. You don’t always have to be the hardened Major._

_I’m sorry this letter isn’t very long. It’s been a long week and I’m exhausted, but I wanted to be sure this package made it to you by your birthday, so here’s hoping._

_I hope I get to see you soon. Wear a dress for me, huh? You got legs for days and it’s a shame I haven’t become intimately acquainted with them. We’ll get together some time— you, me, and BJ— and we’ll cause trouble like the old days. Maybe we’ll go to Boston and rustle up some trouble for Charles. I’m sure his life is too boring without us._

_I love you Margaret,_

_Hawkeye._

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” BJ whispered.

“Well,” Margaret said, “it’s not much, but it shows my legs. It’s what he would have wanted.”

BJ laughed. “You’d know better than anyone, especially since you’ve got the proof in writing.” BJ kissed the top of her head. “C’mon, let’s head back in there. I think I just saw Charles walk in.”

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

_It’s not much but it comes from the heart._

_I love you Margaret._

Charles had indeed walked in and was hovering far away from the crowd. He was a head over most of the crowd here and he could see the casket easily from back here. He didn’t deserve to go say goodbye; he should do it anyway, but he didn’t deserve the closure.

He hadn’t seen Pierce since they’d gotten back to the states. They hadn’t talked, they hadn’t written. Well, Charles hadn’t written back. Hawkeye had sent letters, Charles had received them, but they remained unopened on his desk. He’d told himself he was just trying to distance himself from his memories of Korea. Now he was telling himself he didn’t deserve the comfort of whatever Hawkeye’s letters contained.

Charles’s heart had faltered in his chest when he’d received the news. Pierce was always the backbone of the 4077th. He’d been their comedian, their entertainment and more often than not, their friend. Charles hadn’t treated him much like a friend at all.

Honoria had come with him to the funeral. She had offered her support and Charles had needed it when he said yes, but standing here with her at the back of the church, Charles felt like he shouldn’t have come at all. He wasn’t a close friend or family member. He wasn’t sure Pierce had considered him a friend at all. They’d had their close moments in Korea but stateside, Charles hadn’t written him one letter in return. Not a letter, not a phone call, not a visit— they were three hours apart, why didn’t he visit?

And now he was too late.

His last words echoed in his chest, ached in his heart. _Should I see you again, Pierce, it shall be too soon._ His last words, now more than a year ago were rude and spiteful as they always had been. There was no real animosity behind them but perhaps had Charles been nicer, they wouldn’t be standing here now.

Charles wasn’t egotistical enough to think that he was the reason Hawkeye had… died, but if he’d been nicer, Hawkeye could have had another close friend, another confidant.

Honoria stepped forward to introduce herself as Margaret and BJ approached them. Margaret’s eyes were red, still wet with tears. BJ’s eyes were red with tears but his eyes looked dull and numb.

“Hi Chuckles,” BJ said. “How are you?”

“Quite honestly, Hunnicutt, I would rather be anywhere but here.”

BJ nodded. “You and I both.” He looked over at the casket. “He was coming to California next week. For Christmas.”

“I hadn’t seen him since we got off the plane in Boston. I should have written him or called him— something. I feel as though I’ve failed him.” Charles stiffened slightly. “You think I’d be quite used to failure by now.”

“Charles, _hush_ ,” Honoria admonished.

Charles shook his head, his feet moving slowly toward the front of the church against his will. “This one hurts more than all the rest,” he said quietly. His hand reached out to shake Daniel’s— when had he gotten up here? “I’m sorry for your loss, Dr Pierce. Truly.” 

“Thank you Charles. This must be your sister, Honoria. Thank you for coming.”

Honoria held out her hand. “I’m s-sorry to meet under such circ-circumstances. I only met Hawkeye once but h-h-he was quite the unstopp-ppable f-force, wasn’t he?”

Daniel laughed, wiping at a tear. “He and his sister were two hellions, that’s for sure.” His face fell. “They’re together again, I’m sure.”

Charles tried to swallow the ball in his throat. He looked over at the casket, Hawkeye laying there in his red shirt. He stepped away from Daniel and Honoria and set his hand on the edge of the casket. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I should have been half the friend to you that you were to me.” He pulled his red toque from his pocket and folded it in half before tucking it alongside Hawkeye’s arm.

_“Aw c’mon Charles. Sitting next to me on the plane couldn’t have been all that bad! Now you’re back in Boston and I’m heading up to Crabapple Cove. When are you coming to visit?”_

_Charles stared deadpan at him. “Should I see you again, Pierce, it shall be too soon.”_

_Honoria walked beside them laughing. “Charles, don’t be r-r-r-rude.”_

_Hawkeye threw his head back and cackled. “You hear that Norie? Charles loves me, doncha Charles?” He stepped away and hitched his thumb toward his father, leaning against his car. “There’s my ride. I’ll see you sometime, okay Charles? Don’t be a stranger.” He walked to his dad’s car and practically jumped into his father’s arms._

_Charles smiled. He turned to walk away, Honoria by his side when Pierce’s voice called out to him._

_“Hey Charles! Don’t worry, I love you too!”_

Charles had left with a fond smile on his face. He’d never met someone like Hawkeye— Hawkeye who gave and received love so freely. He wore his heart on his sleeve, his emotions on his face, both out in the open for anyone to see.

“I do love you Pierce— I did. You were a dear friend to me, try as I might to keep you at arms’ length. I’m sorry I never told you what you meant to me.” 

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

_It’s not much but it comes from the heart._

_I love you Margaret._

_Don’t worry, I love you too!_

“He knew you didn’t hate him,” Radar said softly from behind him. “He was a little bummed that you didn’t write him back but he knew you were busy saving lives. He said you’d get to it when you had the time.” Radar held his cap in his hands and stepped up beside the casket.

“You talked to him?”

Radar nodded. “He called me a lot when he got lonely. Talked to my ma if I was in the fields or the barn. We’d talk about where everyone was and how they were doing. He always made sure to avoid talking about himself though. ‘Cepting when it involved the Hunnicutts, then he wouldn’t stop talking. It was nice.”

Charles nodded. He clapped a hand on Radar’s shoulder and walked away numbly, sinking into a pew. Radar stepped up to the casket and just stared.

“I ain’t ever had my gift fail on me like this before you know,” he said lowly. “I know it’s normal for people to feel like they should’ve known or done something but I really _really_ should have known Hawk. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep track of you like you did for me.”

_“Hey Radar! Sorry I missed your birthday a couple days ago. We lost power and just got it back. The big two-one huh? Still drinking Nehi or have you graduated to the harder stuff?”_

_Radar laughed. “I had a drink but I still don’t like it much. I don’t know how you enjoy it.”_

_“I didn’t enjoy it Radar. Still don’t. But sometimes you drink to forget things. Or to feel nothing.”_

_Radar cradled the phone to his ear with his shoulder. “How’ve you been drinking since you got home?”_

_“Not too much, promise.” Radar heard Daniel call to Hawk in the background.”Hey I have to get going. Sorry the call wasn’t too long. I’ll call you soon alright?”_

_“Alright Hawk. You gonna be okay?”_

_“I’m alright Radar. You don’t have to worry about me. Keep your nose clean, kid.”_

The line was crackling before Radar could reply.

That had only been a few months ago. Radar thought Hawk had been doing better since he hadn’t been calling every few days. He hadn’t really thought to be worried. He hadn’t felt that sense of dread he had when Hawk had been real bad before this. He hadn’t felt worried or concerned or—

He felt like a failure right now. Like his gift had failed him. He fisted his cap in his hand and used his free hand to pat Hawkeye’s hand. He walked away from the casket but his eyes couldn’t stay away. He kept looking back at it, his eyes searching for some sort of glimmer of his friend.

But there was nothing but an empty shell.

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

_It’s not much but it comes from the heart._

_I love you Margaret._

_Don’t worry, I love you too!_

_Keep your nose clean, kid._

Francis was quite used to churches. He’d been in plenty in his lifetime, plenty even in the last few years. He never wanted to be in a church like this. He hated being surrounded by mourning souls. He’d much rather be saving souls with his sermons, marrying couples, christening believers.

He hated funerals.

It was one thing to know that a soul was going to heaven— that was one of the only good things about funerals. But the grieving choked him. He was glad he wouldn’t be the one performing the ceremony. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears.

Francis walked up to the casket and knelt down on the hassock beside it. He prayed. Very rarely had he found it hard to pray but kneeling alongside the vessel of his friend, he found it nearly impossible. His rosary shook in his hands as he made the sign of the cross.

He stood up and walked away from the casket. He offered a shaky condolences to Daniel from afar, avoiding being pulled in by the group.

Francis often felt quite isolated in society, what with few people knowing sign language. He’d lost most of his hearing at the end of the war and he’d taken too long to find a doctor to check his hearing and it had been deemed irreparable. It was fine with Francis. He wouldn’t change it.

He was just a bit lonely.

Hawkeye had been the first to try learning and his efforts had warmed Francis’s heart. He’d found a woman nearby to teach him so he could surprise Francis, should they ever meet up. Her daughter had been born deaf and she was quite proficient. Of course Hawkeye hadn’t immediately been great at it but the fact that he cared to learn at all meant more to Francis than anything.

After Hawkeye had started learning, so did Dr Pierce, the Hunnicutts, and a few other members of the 4077th. Francis was also getting better at lip reading but whispers were harder to read— less lip movement.

Francis sat beside Charles and Honoria. He presumed Charles wouldn’t want to talk and Francis was fine with that. He didn’t want to speak either. Honoria nudged Charles aside and slotted herself neatly between them.

“You’re Father M-Mulcahy, aren’t you?” Her hands signed with practiced ease.

“Yes, I am,” Francis said, signing. “And you must be Honoria. I’ve heard only good things.”

“I met your s-s-sister, Angelica. She loves you dear-r-dearly.” Honoria smiled. “Her saxophone playing is quite a m-magnificent spectacle, isn’t it?”

“It always has been,” he said. “I’m quite upset that I’ll never hear it again. Feeling the vibrations isn’t quite the same.”

Honoria nodded and looked at Charles, wishing he’d join the conversation. “Charles has stopped listening to music,” she signed without speaking. “I half hoped this recent loss would bring him back to it but it hasn’t.”

Charles glanced over long enough to watch their hands and smiled softly, rolling his eyes with fondness. He angled his body toward Francis long enough to sign, “I’m living quite alright without music.”

“He’s a l-liar,” Honoria said. “He’s suffering.”

Francis couldn’t help but look over at the casket at the front of the church. Tears welled in his eyes. Some people’s suffering ended far too soon.

Francis looked at Charles. “I’ll help you any way I can, Charles. I hope you know that.”

Charles smiled at Francis and brought his hand to his lips before offering it out to Francis. _Thank you_.

Francis nodded and leaned back against the pew. It was times like this that he wished he had something to fiddle with in his hands.

_“You know Francis, if you’re going to rub your hands anxiously like that, you might want to get some lotion. Make it worthwhile, you know?” Hawkeye disappeared into the bathroom for a moment and came back with a bottle of lotion. “Here. You can make your signs extra soft,” he teased._

_“Thank you, Hawkeye,” Francis smiled. “I’ll take a little. Unfortunately I have to leave soon.”_

_“Take it with you,” Hawk said. He was careful to sign the words he knew, and properly enunciate the words he didn’t. “I’ve got more. Come on, I insist.”_

_Francis put some lotion on his hands and rubbed it in before signing thank you. He grimaced as his hands brushed his lips and he caught a taste of his lotion. His face scrunched up in disgust and Hawkeye doubled over cackling. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes twinkled._

_Francis laughed and scrubbed his lips with the back of his wrist. “It’s good to hear you laugh like that again,” he said. “I wish I didn’t have to leave.”_

_“It’s okay,” Hawk said. “Your cab is here anyway. Can’t keep him waiting.” Hawkeye led Francis out the door and leaned over the railing, watching Francis walk to his cab. Francis waved at him._

_Hawk kissed his fingers and held his hand out to Francis. ‘I love you,’ he had waved._

Francis’s hand wrapped into a fist and he subconsciously circled his chest. I’m sorry.

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

_It’s not much but it comes from the heart._

_I love you Margaret._

_Don’t worry, I love you too!_

_Keep your nose clean, kid._

_I love you!_

Klinger kissed Soon Lee’s cheek as she took his hand in hers. Her hand squeezed his, a silent ‘I’m here for you.’

Max inhaled a shaky breath. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispered.

“You can,” she said, “though I know you would much rather not.” Soon Lee brought Max’s hand to her lips and kissed the back of his hand. “We will do it together.”

Klinger opened the church door and looked around. Many of his friends from the 4077th were there and hovering alongside Dr Pierce. Soon Lee stopped alongside the second row of pews and sat down. Her hands were in her lap and she motioned Max onward. He swallowed and moved up to the front of the church.

Daniel’s eyes were tired as he clasped Klinger’s hand in his own. “It’s good to see you again Max.”

“I wish it wasn’t like this,” Max said. He pulled Dr Pierce into a hug, his tears staining his sweater.

“Hawkeye loved you, you know. He wrote home about you often.”

Klinger looked over at the casket and took a wet, shaking breath. “I loved him too. He was a good man.” Max walked over to the casket and stared at Hawk. He grabbed a pair of earrings from his pocket and clipped them to Hawkeye’s shirt pocket. He pulled out a string of pearls (fake pearls but Hawkeye would have appreciated them anyway) and wrapped them around Hawkeye’s hand. “For you,” he whispered. “I know you’d like them.”

_“I’m glad you came to see me again, Klinger. Thanks for stopping in.”_

_Hawk’s smile widened. “The best. Feel free to come back any time.” Hawkeye took Soon Lee’s hand in his. “If you need someone to help deliver, feel free to come back any time,” Hawk said, only half teasing. “I’m sure you can make it from Toledo to here in time.” He kissed her hand and she laughed, pulling him into a hug._

_“Maybe I will call you to come to Toledo instead,” she said. “Save myself the hassle of traveling.”_

_Hawk pulled Klinger into a hug. “I suppose you’re welcome too,” he said, ruffling Klinger’s hair. “Any time, both of you.”_

_Klinger shook his hand as they pulled out of the hug and smiled. “I’ll bring you some of my original works.”_

_“I look forward to it.” Hawk watched them walk down the porch steps when a thought crossed his mind. “Wait! Hold on a second I have a present for you.” He disappeared back into the house and brought out a small jewelry box. “Baby’s first,” he said, watching Klinger snap open the box._

_Klinger looked at the necklace in the box. Three strands of pearls connected with a brooch in the front._

_“Until then, you or Soon Lee can wear them if you’d like. But everyone seems to think it’s a boy but heaven forbid if there’s another war, he’ll need a strand of real pearls to get him out.”_

_“Hawk these are beautiful.” Max delicately fingered the pearls, admiring the way they shimmered in the light. “Thank you.”_

_Hawk nudged them down the driveway to the car, leaning on the door frame as Klinger climbed in the driver’s side. “I’m just glad you’re getting everything you deserve at long last.”_

Klinger stared at the necklace wrapped around Hawk’s hand and allowed the tears to stream down his face. He was wearing a black dress shirt, buttoned up to the neck, but underneath was that triple strand of pearls. “I’ll never forget you O Captain, my captain. Promise.”

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

_It’s not much but it comes from the heart._

_I love you Margaret._

_Don’t worry, I love you too!_

_Keep your nose clean, kid._

_I love you!_

_I’m just glad you’re getting everything you deserve at long last._

Trapper stood in the back of the church. He was hovering beside the back door. He was ready to bolt as soon as someone told him he wasn’t welcome. People were hugging Hawk’s dad, lotsa people were wiping their eyes with handkerchiefs. No one had noticed him yet and that was fine by him. He was just lucky enough to be here this time.

He’d been told Hawk died damn near three years ago. He’d sent some letters to Hawk at the 4077th and they’d all got sent back stamped recipient deceased. Trap understood some of the emotions he saw— the anger, the sadness. He’d felt them three years ago. But now he just felt numb and confused. His heart ached with longing. He just wanted his best friend back. That’s all he’s wanted.

The letters felt heavy in his pocket— those letters that he’d sent to Hawk. He’d brought them up here, not that he knew why. It had felt right at the time.

There were a lot of unfamiliar faces all crowded around Dr Pierce, but they all seemed to know one another. Margaret was in the group, Trapper caught sight of her every so often. Radar was settled on a pew. A few people came through the church, prayed before the casket, paid their respects to Daniel and left.

Trapper sat in the far corner of the last pew and just… sat. He stared at the church decoration, stared at the stained glass, the pew engraving. His hand traced the lines of the decorative carving on the pew in front of him. Someone sat beside Trap. He looked up and saw a man, probably about his height, blonde hair, terrible mustache.

“You must be Trapper, huh?”

Trap wiped at his nose with his coat sleeve. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“BJ Hunnicutt. I was your replacement.”

Trapper nodded. “Oh.” The pair sat in silence, BJ watching Trap, Trap staring at the front of the church. How much of a replacement?

“I get what he saw in you. At least looks-wise. How come you never wrote him?”

“I did,” Trap mumbled. He rooted around in his pocket for the stack of letters and pulled them out. “Got them back.”

BJ took the letters and looked at the envelopes. Bright red ink had been stamped across them— ‘RECIPIENT DECEASED.’ Tears welled up in his eyes as he traced the letters d-e-c-e-a-s-e-d. “I’m sorry he never reached out to you. I would’ve talked him into it but honestly? I was jealous of you.”

“Nah, I get it,” Trap said. “He thought I didn’t want him and I guess he wasn’t entirely wrong. I didn’t want him how he wanted me but that was never a problem. He was still my best friend. I wrote him. And jealous of me? No need. I’m sure Hawk loved you twice as much as he loved me. That’s just how he was.”

BJ passed back the letters and wiped his eyes. “There was a clerical error,” he said. “All his mail was rerouted in Seoul.” BJ sniffled. “God I wish that were the case now.”

Trap shrugged. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel anymore. Mostly I’m just feeling numb. I mourned him almost three years ago. I didn’t even know he was alive until Radar called me about his death. And now it’s too late. I never got to tell him goodbye or anything.”

“I know,” BJ whispered.

“Told you, huh?”

“He defied Frank’s orders and went to pick me up at Kimpo with Radar so he could try and catch you before you left. Your plane was already gone. He’d missed you by ten minutes and he made sure we knew about it.” BJ smiled at the memory of Hawkeye’s ranting. “He was pissed you didn’t leave him a note.”

“I was pissed I couldn’t figure out which gutter of Seoul he was in. I tried finding that bastard for three days,” Trapper said, chuckling through his sobs. “Left him a note, left him my hat and got the hell outta Korea.”

“Far as I know, he didn’t get a hat or a note. In three years he never mentioned it.”

Trap nodded in resignation. He thought about the last time he saw Hawkeye— how excited he was to finally be going on R&R.

_Hawkeye stood in front of him, looking into his eyes before he dropped back into his seat in the jeep. Trap tossed the suitcase in the back and clapped a hand on Hawk’s knee. “Bring me back something pretty, alright?”_

_“I’ll be coming back, isn’t that enough?”_

_Trap laughed. “With that face? Not a chance.”_

_Hawk grinned. “ I’m hurt.”_

_“Yeah you look it.” Trap looked at the jeep driver, a young corporal who kept looking at his watch. “Hey I think your chariot is getting a little antsy. Better get going.” The corporal glared at Trap from the corner of his eye and started the jeep. “Save me a geisha girl.”_

_Hawk shifted in place, turning around as the jeep pulled away. “I’ll see you when I get back!”_

Trap shuddered in a breath. “Think you could introduce me to his dad? You all seem to know him pretty well.”

BJ stood up and held out his hand to pull Trapper up beside him. “Hawk, Peg and I…” He sighed. “Yeah, Daniel’s family.”

Trap followed BJ to the front of the church. His knees nearly gave out when he saw Hawkeye. He looked away, watching BJ talk to Dr Pierce.

Dr Pierce walked over to him and held his hand out. “Hawk talked a lot about you, Trapper John.” Trap’s face crumpled and he started sobbing. Daniel wrapped his arms around Trapper and held him steady. “He wasn’t mad at you,” Daniel whispered. “Not anymore.”

Trapper reached into his pocket and pulled out the letters. He handed them to Daniel and watched Daniel’s face become one of pity. “I wrote him but he never got the letters.”

A sad smile crossed Daniel’s face. Everything made sense. “I sold his golf clubs after I found out. It took him a while to get through to me from Korea.” He handed the letters back to Trap but Trapper shoved his hands in his pocket.

“I don’t need them. You can read them if you want. They’re yours now.”

Daniel nodded and put the letters in his pocket. “Come on son. Go say your goodbye.”

_Daddy, I’m scared._

_I’ll see you at Christmas, I promise._

_It’s not much but it comes from the heart._

_I love you Margaret._

_Don’t worry, I love you too!_

_Keep your nose clean, kid._

_I love you!_

_I’m just glad you’re getting everything you deserve at long last._

_I’ll see you when I get back!_

Trapper knelt down in front of the casket, his hands folded in prayer for the first time in years. Daniel knelt by his side. They prayed in silence, Daniel standing up before Trap and waiting behind him as he finished.

Hawk was gray, entirely gray and his face had soft laugh lines etched into his skin. Trapper set his hand on Hawk’s before closing his eyes and tilting his head to the sky. “See you when I get there.” 

**Author's Note:**

> please leave me comments 🥺


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